New Beginnings
by OfInkandFeather
Summary: Lyra and Will have promised to love each other whatever could happen, and in the same time they wanted to be fair and nice with the ones they'll love after their separation. But when Lyra fell in love with a new boy, many years later, the guilt appears. Is she betraying Will ? Who should she love more ? - Oneshot. - The characters belong to P. Pullman.


Since the day Will's hand had closed the last window between their respective worlds, Lyra came to the Botanic Garden every single year, the day of summer solstice. But she also used to go there every time she felt angry, disappointed, anxious, or glad. Whatever her feelings or thoughts were, that place had a wonderful effect on her.

She sat down on the stone bench, the last place she and Will had seen before bidding farewell, and held Pan, who had become a beautiful, golden pine-marten, in her arms. Sometimes they talked about what made them -because whatever Lyra felt, Pan would feel it too- angry or sorrowful ; sometimes they listened to the silence. Pan used to play in the trees, trying to surprise Lyra, in vain. But when the situation needed his presence, he never went away from his human. They were one being, divided into two entities, and their ability to apart one from the other could not change that. But still, it had an influence on their relation. Lyra knew she loved Pan's presence and warmth more since she learnt he could leave her ; Pan appreciated more Lyra's blabbling when he understood what she had learnt in the Dead's world. Silence and low voices made her remember about ghosts, therefore she studied how to control her own voice and how to sing. Her daemon thought she was becoming good at that, and he adored each of her songs.

Lyra sang lullabies before sleeping, or gyptians songs when she met Lord Faa and the Costa family, or famous melodies she remembered about opera. In Oxford, everybody called her "Silvertongue", just like Iorek before them, but the origins weren't the same. Iorek gave her that name because she was able to deceive a Panserbjorn using words. Oford's inhabitants called her Silvertongue because she had a melodious voice. And, somehow, it was also a way to forget that "Belacqua" was neither her real name. But as noone wanted to recognize Lyra as the daughter of Lord Ariel -well-known thanks to his numerous female conquests and his desastrous adventures in the North- and Marisa Coulter -the leader of the Gobblers, well, they created a new last name. The young girl never protested. Silvertongue sounded even beautiful than Belacqua in her hears.

And there was a voice in Oxford, which she loved when it whispered her name. The voice of somebody who had become her best friend after Roger's death and her separation with Will. Because many things have passed trought her. Panserbjorns and witches lived in the North, far away from Oxford. Gyptians neither live in Oxford the whole year. They came in spring and autumn, andthen went back to their beloved Fens. The first months after her adventures in the other worlds, Lyra had felt alone, when she realized nor Roger nor Will would be with her anymore. To fight against boredom, she studied hard in Saint Sophia, as well as she worked in Jordan, helping the servants, as well as she met new friends in the city. Friends among the alchemists, among St Sophia's girls, etc.

Because the fact was that she could not bear the childish war she used to play at with Roger and others boys, because she had seen a real war, and because Roger was not here. She still loved her old friends tough, but she needed to feel herself as useful as she could. She wanted Will to be proud of her. No matter how exhausted she was at nighttime, in the end she would dream of Will and her tiredness flew away. Thinking about the last image she had of him -when he was closing the window between them- she felt a strong wave of determination. She could have faced the whole world so that they could met again. However, she didn't feel the same despair as the first time when she noticed she was alone, crying in her bed, after a nightmare. Will wasn't here to comfort her anymore, he was probably in his own bed, in his own world, and maybe he was crying because of the same nightmare.

In fact, after a long period of loneliness and sorrow, Lyra had meet the one who followed her in every stupidity, in every travel and in every work she did. His name was Alcyon. They started mocking each other's name : "How do you pronounce it ?", "Who's the one who choose it, an astrologer ?". But later they became friends, and they used to meet every day in the Library. Alcyon was about Lyra's age, and he was as clever with words as Lyra. She was good at talking and inventing stories, he was good at writing and composing. Many of Lyra's song came from his talent, as well as many of his stories were inspired by Lyra's. She had told him everything about her travels, even about the worst and the most shameful moments she had been trought : for instance, she told him how she fought with Will at their first meeting and how she finally came to love him. And the boy listened to her, patiently, with a soft smile and sweet words when she was crying. Slowly, Lyra understood she was falling in love with him, and she felt guilty. How could I forget Will ? Why am I so frail and weak ? What can I do ?...

She was so desperate that one winter day, she ran trought the night to join the Botanic Garden. It was raining, but she didn't care about how wet her hair was. Her only thoughts were Alcyon and Will. For the first time, she was divided. She could never love the two of them, or could she ? She could not forget one of them, or could she ? It would not be fair for both of them, in each case. So the only way she had to clear her feelings was to find her bench. Embracing Pan tightly, afraid of letting him go, she began to talk to noone, praying for Will to hear her voice, in his world.

"_I don't know what to do now... It all became so hard to understand. When I love Will, I'm afraid of betraying Alcyon. But when I love Alcyon, I forget Will. We promised to love each other for ever, but we always promised that we would not do comparisons between our first love and the one who would share our lives. It looked simple, when we were twelve... Now I'm almost seventeen and I'm lost. I don't think I can respect this promise without hurting someone._"

She obtained no response. Patalaimon tried to comfort her by licking her cold fingers and giving as much warmth as he could. Until that very day, Lyra had always acted so that noone would point her despair out. Sometimes, he even had the thought that she was surely better than what he believed. But her shell was collapsing, here and now, and the Lyra who was hidden inside revealed her real face. The face of frustration, of pain, of loneliness. The face of nostalgy, also, nostalgy about the time of everything being so simple even with love affairs. Because she was a child, and a child's grace made the mountains low ; now she was a grown-up person, and she had a full life to live with questions she would have never disturbed her. Thinking about love, when she was twelve, sounded to be a ridiculous idea : she loved Will, and noone else. Thinking about future ? When you're about to be sliced by a guillotine, that's your last preoccupation. Being desperate because of things you'll forget ? She already lost the way to read the alethiometer, so nothing was unforgettable. Except, sure, the name of your daemon and the sensation of your first kiss.

The young girl -or young woman, it all depend of your imagination- remembered very well her first kiss, as well as every kiss she had shared with Will. And, on the same time, she could feel the softness of Alcyon's, after the last kiss he left on her cheek, this afternoon.

That kiss had tortured and oppressed Lyra's mind a long while and it was the reason for her to come to the Botanic Garden. She could not bear this situation anymore. A choice had to be made. And it would be that night or never.

"_Oh, Will... What should I do ? Would you be mad at me if I admit... that I love him ? Before we got separated, I told you that we should not think about each other if we loved someone else... I don't think I can do that. It's too hard to forget you. And yet too hard to simply pretend I don't feel anything for him", _Lyra said in a soft whisper, just as she was talking to someone behing the sky. _"I love the two of you. And I want you to know that I would love to meet you again, wherever and whenever. Maybe, talking with you could have made be feel better. It used to... I would all be easier if we had lived in the same world, don't you think so ? Maybe we could have lived near to each other. Maybe I could have meet you before, and not by fighting with you !_", Lyra laughed with tears rolling on her cheeks.

She made a pause and shared a glance with Pan. In the depth of his eyes, she could read her own determination. The pine-marten-daemon climbed her back so that he could reach her shoulder, and get closer to her face. He wiped away one single tear and murmured something. Lyra smiled, with that way which was typically her daemon's. Her voice was more self-assured when she announced, eyes closed, imaginating Will in front of her :

"_I came here to tell you that you've always have a special place in my heart. I love you, Will, for ever, and I'll go to see you, in the Dead's World, when it's my turn. But now I have to try to live on. You're maybe doing the same thing, in your world. In that case, the girl you love is a lucky one. I hope for you to be the happiest man of your Oxford. On my side... I'll see. Unfortunately, the alethiometer can't give me a reply at the question "what is it going to happen ?". My life after our spearation is like a dream. I think I'm dreaming and I will get up, so I don't need to be happy, if the best will come when I'm awake. The best is the life after I die, when I search for you in that sky. Until that day, I have to live as much as I could, or else I'll have nothing to tell you when we meet again ! Yeah, that's what I'm going to do. Living to make Dust, so that we could wander after our deaths._"

"_I'll try to do it too, then. Thanks, Lyra, for being honest_", a voice sighed softly.

Both Lyra and Pan jumped at the sound of this male voice. It sounded familiar, but Pan could not say why. Lyra suddenly stood up, open-eyed, and whisper a name. Will. Was it a dream ? Or some kind of magic ? Neither the human or the daemon could answer to that question. But the message was clear. In his world, Will had heard her voice. And he agreed with her feelings. This very though made her feel joyful. One last tear rolled from her left eye to the bottom of her cheek, and she wiped it firmly.

"_Did you hear that, Pan ?_", she asked to her daemon.

"_I did. Well, now, we have a real goal, haven't we ?_"

"_Yeah... A real goal._"

Lyra smiled unconsciously, and suppressed a laugh.

"_What's happening ?_", Pan enquired.

"_I was thinking... That had always been our goal, remember ? But we forgot it_."

"_You forget many things when you're in love_", he mocked nicely, and she laughed. "_Now we should go home. You're all wet, it would be bad if you get cold. And we have many things to do tomorrow_."

"_Like what ?_"

"_First of all, you have a latin class, tomorrow morning at St Sophia, and a history one in the afternoon at Jordan, with the Master. And you'll have to learn your french lesson. And to help Sister Magde in the orphanage. And the most important._" The daemon stopped tragically and whispered in her ear. "_You'll see Alcyon_."

Lyra blushed and her heart began to beat faster. Not only because of Alcyon. Because of everything she had to do. People needed her, and she needed them. There were many things she had to learn, and even more she had to feel. A life was not long enough to know and feel everything, but feelings like love were a lifetime long to be understood.

"_Then come on, Pan._"

The girl and the daemon went out of the secret place, with a last kiss in the air for Will. Just in that moment, Lyra heard somebody yellin her name. They shared a glance, without understanding. It was nighttime, it was rainy, who would have followed them ? Did the Master send someone to look for her ? That sounded logical, in a certain way : the Master was old and naturally worried for everything, especially for the girl who've grown up in his College. Both ran in the direction of the scream, and they pushed a young man and his daemon at a corner. Lyra's eyes became bigger when she recognized Alcyon. He looked releved to see her : the Master has called him when he noticed her absence, and he immediately thought about the Botanic Garden, where she used to come alone. Lyra found nice of him to be anxious about her.

"_You're all wet_", he pointed out by showing her hair. "_Let's go to Jordan. The Master was very worried, and-_"

"_Alcyon ?_"

"_Hmm_ _?_"

"_Thanks for being here._"

Alcyon seemed confused and surprised, but he smiled and said it was nothing.

On the way home, walking hand in hand in the desert streets of Oxford, the man admitted he had no idea of where she had been hidden. He had looked for her in the whole garden and was about to give up when they met. Lyra winced, saying it was a secret. But later, when they arrived in front of Jordan's doors and Alcyon said he'd have to turn back into his own home, she held him back by his sleeve.

"_One day... I'll show you my secret garden._"

"... _It would be very nice of you, Lyra_", he whispered, gazing at her with a tender smile which made her melt. "_Goodnight, Lyra._"

"_Goodnight, Alcyon."_

She then swirled to reach the door, when she felt him holding her back. She spinned again to face him, wondering what was the problem, and blushed when he embraced her. His arms were so warm... She could have stayed there for the whole night. And his lips, when they met with hers, were so soft, that she sighed from pleasure. She hadn't felt so good since many years ago. Lyra returned the kiss, giving all the love she could in this single act. When the need of breathing forced them to separate their faces one from the other, they were still so tighly embraced, so close, that Lyra was breathtaken and blushing. Therefore she had her face hidden against his chest, while he caressed her hair and kissed it again and again.

"_I love you_", they said in the same time, with a unique voice.

And then the miracle started. Lyra's new life was beginning, as the Sleeping Beauty woke up after her prince's kiss.


End file.
